STB Kitchen 2: Purple and White Jelly

This is the second of many posts in a series called, “STB Kitchen.” The name is straightforward and each kitchen is chosen on the criteria of whether or not I’d want to cook some bacon in it. Below are my thoughts, with my only interior decorating experience being a short summer stint working at the Pottery Barn. Qualifications are overrated, all you need is Pottery Barn and a blog post. 

"He wrapped himself in quotations - as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of emperors." - Rudyard Kipling

“He wrapped himself in quotations – as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of emperors.” – Rudyard Kipling

Did you know 99 out of 100 Americans have been in, used, or currently own a kitchen. Don’t believe the hype? One of you is missing out on the experience of a lifetime. Which gets me to the kitchen above. 

I watched Barney as a young lad, but soon realized he was classless and never could entertain kids without breaking out into song. I also liked grape blow pops, but the gum lasted for 2 minutes before it felt like I was chewing on a piece of tar.

So like everything purple in life, there is a good and a bad. A ying and ying-not. A Mary-Kate and an Ashley. Things that just start out so so good, then wind up so bad.

Why so much sizzled bacon could be cooked here: Somehow, someway, this kitchen, in all of its purple-greatness, looks amazing. Its so polished and the design is very sleek and sophisticated.

The kitchen finds balance in the bold contrast of the purple and white by utilizing the flat-panelled arching cabinets. These details along with other design elements (the horizontal lines) help keep the kitchen from making too big of a deal of itself. Never over complicate things, nothing good comes from it.[1]

Two other little, but solid elements:

  1. So much storage. If you have a cereal collection, this kitchen can hold it.
  2. So much counter-top space. If you spill cereal all over the counter, chances are none of it falls on the ground. Chances.

Why I’d never sizzle my bacon here: Can you imagine the amount of Windex you’d buy a year scrubbing the finger prints off the kitchen cabinets everyday? Not too mention that everyday, you’d have a purple kitchen.

Also, as great as the design is, the layout is not lazy-man friendly. Look at the placement of the oven (making the oven around eye-level is a win), but I’m not going to walk 6 feet from the counter to the oven and back and forth. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but trust me, I worked a summer at the Pottery Barn and having the perfect layout and amount of space between utilities matters. No one would enjoy cooking with this amount of walking space between counters, sinks, ovens and refrigeration.

Two other little, but not-solid elements:

  1. I’m never going to be Yao Ming, how am I going to reach the top cabinets?
  2. Those chairs look so uncomfortable

Bottom line: Not a kitchen I’d want to cook my bacon in. I’d enjoy it for a month and then never cook in it again. I’d just order delivery the rest of my life. Some place, somewhere, has to do delivery bacon. Otherwise don’t steal my golden ticket idea.

I’d get sick of the color, of the spacing, of the fact that I look like I live with Willy Wonka. I am not sizzling bacon with Willy Wonka. He’s another guy that tricks kids with song.

Design by Katherine Stewart.


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